Real-ationships · Womanhood

Micromanagement will never bring sexy back!

Some of you reading this are micro-manager-wives.

You might not recognize yourself in this statement, I for one, did not. I take delight in streamlined processes and the detail thereof – anything to not waste unnecessary time. It might seem like a great and valuable characteristic, justifying my approach or actions to keep an eye on my significant other and how he goes about his life. The unhappy truth is that people who believe they are being monitored or excessively controlled (helicoptered) performs at a less productive or lower level. This means less gets done, and the end result is normally bad.

Yikes. Time to back off.

Backing off might seem very scary because of this new surprise factor where things are bound to go wrong, and you won’t always know what to expect… I can guarantee you from personal experience, it’s absolutely worth it!

micromanagement 1.pngBy micromanaging your husband, you are saying “I don’t trust you” or worse “you are not good enough”.  You create an environment of resentment, frustration and eventually unwillingness to contribute or help in any way. Why did you marry someone you cannot trust with making sandwiches, hanging up the washing or driving somewhere? These might seem like silly and trivial examples, but when last did you micro-manage your husband? Really think about it. While he was doing something complicated at work (I don’t think so), or while he was helping you around the house, or with the kids.

For some reason, the small things always freak me out, causing me to spiral in a raging control freak. So what if he makes the guest bed with miss-matched pillows? Does it really matter if he goes out with brown shoes and black pants? Why do we insist on complaining, and moaning about silly and trivial things, instead of celebrating his help and ultimately giving you time for other things? When I first decided back off, leave my husband to his own devices, and trust him, we had a very candid conversation. Firstly, I know he is easily distracted by his work and other responsibilities, and he knows I struggle with nitpicking and worrying about small things. By keeping this in mind, and knowing how hard it is for me not to micro-manage, he became more focused and considered in the way he did things around the house. He would ask me which duvet cover goes with which pillows, or tell me when he sorted out important admin, so I know I don’t have to worry about it. I would usually respond with an explanation so he could understand my way of thinking, making the next time around easier for everyone. To be completely honest this was a very difficult task for me at first, but my husband made the process bearable.

When I first decided back off, leave my husband to his own devices, and trust him, we had a very candid conversation. Firstly, I know he is easily distracted by his work and other responsibilities, and he knows I struggle with nitpicking and worrying about small things. By keeping this in mind, and knowing how hard it is for me not to micro-manage, he became more focused and considered in the way he did things around the house. He would ask me which duvet cover goes with which pillows, or tell me when he sorted out important admin, so I know I don’t have to worry about it. I would usually respond with an explanation, so he understands my way of thinking, making the next time around easier for everyone.

To be completely honest this was a very difficult task for me at first, but my husband was so thankful for the breathing space, it made the sacrifice worth it.

I want to challenge you, stop micro-managing your husband – TODAY! Tell him it’s your middle-year resolution, and ask him weekly how you are doing? Make an active decision to be his partner instead of his parent or manager.

micromanagement2.png

I can already see the fruit of non-micro management in my marriage. My husband is happier, I am calmer, our household runs smoother, and we have more time for each other. Trust the man God gave you, he deserves it!

 Do you have any micro-management stories to share? Comment below!

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6 thoughts on “Micromanagement will never bring sexy back!

  1. So true! From the first paragraph I realised how true this is in my marriage and how I cause Aaron’s suffering due to this. While reading I just started thinking of all the women in my life who I see do this to their husbands, what a shame!
    So proud of you and grateful that you are sharing your heart and honesty on this.
    “Trust the man God gave you”, LOVE IT!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is a very accurate description Loftspeaker1, we ought to love and serve our husbands (as they do us) rather than trying to mother and change and correct them.
      Thank you for your comment and input!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. What a great comparison! I would love to use it in a future blog. I think it always comes from a good place, but we tend to mess things up by “helping”. It’s still a struggle, but I’m getting better at it.

      Liked by 1 person

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